the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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