i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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