I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize