I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
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