You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
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i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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