Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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