i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
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your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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