I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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