I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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