I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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