so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
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BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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