She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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