I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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