Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
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Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
did you just send me my own nude
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize