am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize