I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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