Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
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Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize