i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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