So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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