The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
