Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
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I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
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for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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