my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
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We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize