I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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