What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize