Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
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I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
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The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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