just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize