I skipped work to stalk him.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
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I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
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We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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