in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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