I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
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I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I know her cup size but not her name....
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