i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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