he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize