I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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