I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
