here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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