She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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