R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize