I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize