my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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