I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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