I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize