Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize