Pants 0. Shit 1.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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