my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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