The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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