You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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