Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
be right there i have to get my cape
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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