just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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