My hand turned me down
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my being single is dangerous.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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