you mean i was at the winter classic?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
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I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
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I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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