In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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