that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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