That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize